Imposter syndrome

It wasn’t so much Imposter Syndrome as “new person” syndrome. The anxiety was not about whether I was capable of fulfilling my role but more about the more fundamental belief that I should be back at work at all. I felt like I had changed and nobody could see it. They all just expected me to revert back to the ‘old Sarah’, to slide back into the corporate word and start delivering, designing and identifying learning needs. I remember finding work clothes in my wardrobe which I had worn for my last job and suddenly thinking that I didn’t like them and that they almost felt like someone else’s.

My heart ached with the thought that my gorgeous boy was being looked after by other people. A perfectly capable, friendly group of professionals in a nursery setting who clearly enjoyed being in the company of children but it felt wrong in so many ways. Added to which the tiredness was quite simply overwhelming. The broken nights have always been a mixed blessing for me. A chance to spend some time holding, snuggling and comforting my boy while missing out on needed sleep.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and I would have benefited from having someone to talk to about how I would approach those first few months in a new post, the connections I should be building, the support network I needed, the importance of asking for what was right for me. It would have made the transition less lonely for a start and made it easier to unpack what had changed for me while I had been on maternity leave. Having someone to explore my key strengths would’ve helped build self confidence and help create a motivating back to work plan.  If you are looking for someone to have a conversation with around any of the above, I’d love to hear from you